Big Brother: Toronto Maple Leafs

Brian Burke has finally had it. After a dismal beginning to the 2009-2010 season, the team was not working together, not gelling, and not uniting. After countless bonding exercises, road trips, and meetings, he turned to the only reasonable solution. Take twelve key team members and force them to participate against each other in a reality tv knock off:

BIG BROTHER: TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS EDITION

Each contestant will not be allowed in the outside world aside from games and practices. They will enter the MLSE house with only the company of each other, competing in a vicious survival game. Each episode, a member of the team will be voted out of the house. The final remaining member of the household will be given a 10 million dollar bonus, lifetime season tickets, and the chance to slap Richard Peddie in the face.

The rules are simple:

-Each week, a challenge will take place between all players. The winner of the challenge will be granted the right to nominate two other players for eviction. Leaf Nation will vote on which team member they wish to remove from the game.

And now, the contestants...

JASON BLAKE

Motto: The easiest way to a goalie's net is through his chest protector

Hero: Jason Blake

Food: Chicken with a side of the blood of innocent children

Favorite Movie: Rocky V

Favorite Music: Eminem

Favorite Color: Black

Luxury Item: Autographed 8x10 of Jason Blake

GARNET EXELBY
Motto: Destroy
Hero: Rambo
Food: Elbow Pads
Favorite Movie: Rambo
Favorite Color: Bruise
Luxury Item: Teddy Bear

MIKAEL GRABOVSKI
Motto: With a great mullett comes great responsibility
Hero: Joe Dirt

Food: Beet Soup
Favorite Movie: Teen Wolf
Favorite Music: Belarussian Ska
Luxury Item: Pineapple

JONAS GUSTAVSSON

Motto: Just win, baby.
Hero: Terry Sawchuk
Food: Swedish Meatballs
Favorite Music: Symphony Orchestra
Favorite Color: Blue and Yellow
Luxury Item: Vesa Toskala Voodoo Doll

TOMAS KABERLE
Motto: Whatever you do...don't shoot.
Hero: Mats Sundin
Favorite Music: Classical

Favorite Color: Blue
Luxury Item: Scrapbook of memories with Sundin, Tucker, Kubina, and McCabe

PHIL KESSEL
Motto: Whatever you do...don't pass.
Favorite Movie: Highlight reel from Boston from when he had teammates
Favorite Music: Top 40
Favorite Color: Yellow
Luxury Item: Testicle in Jar

MIKE KOMISAREK

Motto: Big hit. Block shot. Two minutes minor. Repeat.

Hero: Brian Burke

Favorite Movie: Any Given Sunday

Favorite Music: Country
Luxury Item: Restraining Order against Milan Lucic

COLTON ORR
Motto: It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the fact that I'm going to beat that dog so bad he's going to look like he got back from a sleepover at Michael Vicks.
Hero: Mike Tyson
Food: Knuckle Sandwiches
Favorite Movie: Fighting
Favorite Music: Death Metal
Luxury Item: Punching Bag (aka Matt Carkner)

LUKE SCHENN

Motto: Save the Leafs
Hero: Wendel Clarke
Favorite Movie: The Lion King

Favorite Music: Jonas Brothers
Favorite Color: Blue and White
Luxury Item: Schenn Jersey with a "C" on the front.

MATT STAJAN

Motto: Calmness is the cradle of power

Hero: Gandhi

Food: Plain White Rice

Favorite Movie: None
Favorite Music: Ambient Noise
Favorite Color: Grey

VESA TOSKALA

Motto: Just hang in there, it'll all be over soon.
Hero: Jonas Gustavsson
Food: Marshmellows
Favorite Movie: Anything with Keanu Reeves
Favorite Color: Pale
Luxury Item: Autographed 8x10 of Jonas Gustavsson's girlfriend

IAN WHITE

Motto: When life gives you lemons, grow a moustache, play out of position, and become team MVP.

Hero: Tom Sellick
Favorite Movie: Anchorman
Favorite Color: Blue

Luxury Item: Facial Hair Grooming Kit

*****

Stay tuned for episode two, featuring the first challenge and nomination.

The Curse of Thirteen

I'm not one for conspiracy theories. I'm pretty sure September 11th was ordered by terrorists, not the US government. I don't think 2Pac is going to show up alive next Tuesday and collaborate with Elvis. I don't believe in the Illuminati, Santa Claus, or Jason Blake's soul. But I have to admit: there's something oddly fascinating about them. I don't take much stock in any of them but I like to read about them and some members of the hockey community have been piecing one together about our Leafs. Allow me to summarize.

Mats Sundin is considered by many to be the greatest Maple Leaf of all time (false - Alyn McCauley is). He's our all time leader in points and the last face of our franchise. Say what you want about the Canucks ordeal, but he was Captain Clutch and gave us a lot of memories. However, what number did he choose to wear? Not the famous goalscorers #9. Not the typical centre number #19. He chose the enigmatic #13.

Here's where it starts. Yes, our all team leading goalscorer (who should have rightfully lifted a Cup as a Leaf) wore #13. He did not return to the Leafs to centre Phil Kessel, instead he retired with 987 points as a Maple Leaf. 13 shy of 1000.

He did not get to lift that Cup, and he and the Leafs have been waiting since '67. 6+7=13

Yes, we won our last cup in 67. Since then, we have been stuck at 13 Stanley Cups.

Ian White, despite shaving 13 times a day, continues to look like a small hampster died on his upper lip.

The draft has also been plagued with bad luck. Jiri Tlusty, touted as a true sniper, has yet to come anywhere near his potential and can't seem to make it happen in the big leagues. Leafs management considered themselves lucky that he had slipped that far in the draft and have a chance to select him: 13th overall.

It doesn't stop there. The Leafs swapped their 1st rounder for plagued goaltender Vesa Toskala. That pick, 13th overall, could have landed the Leafs Max Pacioretty, Angelo Esposito, or Oscar Moller.

So, is this why we've had every bad bounce, the Kerry Fraser incident, phantom penalties, and late season exits? Probably not. But who knows.

L&L

Petition to Get Mike Palmateer a Cell Phone

Okay, I'll make this quick, but I am BAFFLED.

This is a Toronto Star article by Damien Cox about the scouting of Jonas Gustavsson. It features quotes from Brian Burke, Ron Wilson, and primarily, Leafs scout Mike Palmateer. It's actually a good article and it shows the journey that it took to get the Monster to sign with the Leafs. As we've seen, he truly looks like a #1 goalie as Vesa Toskala hangs out on the bench talking to Mikael Grabovski about hair products. There's one part that's especially troubling to me.

"I'm actually walking pretty good these days, but I have to be careful," he said Wednesday from his car phone. "I'm pretty sure that if I even looked at a pair of skates, something would tear."

His CAR PHONE!? The man works as a professional hockey scout and can't invest in a cell phone? His primary job is to make calls and speak to others and arrange travel and he's still using an effing car phone?! What century does he live in? Is his car phone attatched to a horse and carriage? Is Brian Burke doing his radio interviews with a tin can on a string?

MLSE was announced again as the richest hockey franchise. Well now you know why! They're ripping off the rest of their employees! Does anyone have any benefits over there? No wonder Mike Van Ryn is always injured, the poor guy doesn't get any health care! Does Ron Wilson make his pregame notes on a typewriter? Did Jason Blake get his people skills at a yard sale? Does Tomas Kaberle groom his eyebrows with Tom Sellick's old moustache groomer?

Forget the salary cap, boys, we've got far bigger issues here.

MAKE SOME NOISE. START A RIOT. GET MIKE PALMATEER A CELL PHONE.

L&L

Petition:
http://www.petitiononline.com/leaflion/petition.html

How Far Are We Away from a Cup?

Let's be upfront about it: despite a few strong games in a row, chances are we won't take the cup this year - though I'm still predicting playoffs for the Buds, I just don't see them going all the way. We simply just don't have the pieces to take it all the way. But how far away are we? In some obvious areas (top six) we're pretty hurting. But let's look at this more specifically. What do we have playing right now that could feasibly be a legitimate piece on a Stanley Cup team?

LEFT WING - CENTRE - Kessel
Ponikarovsky - CENTRE - RIGHT WING
Hagman - CENTRE - Stempniak
LEFT WING - Mitchell - Orr

Kaberle - Komisarek
White - Beauchemin
Schenn - Finger/Exelby

Gustavsson
BACK-UP

So it's pretty clear - we've only got 1.5 that could be a top sixer on a Cup team...Poni really is pushing it. In all honesty, I think you could interchange Hagman, Stempniak, Poni, and even Blake for those three spots but beyond that I don't really buy into it. Mitchell could also be switched out for Wallin without much of an effect. So up front that means we're going to need to add two strong centres, two quality wingers, a grinding centre and a hard hitting/working winger for the fourth line. That might be Nik Kulemin but I'm not buying it. Sorry.

On the back: yeah. I think we're set. That was clearly Burke's intention for the summer and once Schenn/Beauchemin settle into their games we'll be just fine. I truly believe that. And maybe Macdonald really could settle into the backup role full time but while Gustavsson has played well it's a pretty small sample size to see if a goalie can take you to the show: in the meantime though, it sure has looked that way.

Let's not forget the prospects, though. We've got some very promising players in Kadri, Bozak, Stalberg, Hanson, and Tlusty all sitting in the minors right now and performing as they should. So let's have another look (assuming these players move into the players we hope they will become.

Tlusty - Kadri- Kessel
Stalberg - Bozak - Hanson
Poni - Tlusty - Stempniak
Hagman/Kulemin - Mitchell - Orr

Kaberle - Komisarek
White - Beauchemin
Schenn - Finger/Exelby

Gustavsson
Macdonald

But realistically: all these players are not going to be ready by next year. Kadri will probably be heading for one more year of junior (giving Burke's history) and I'm really not sold on Jiri Tlusty quite yet. I hope he can be the top notch goal scorer we hoped he would be but if he does then power to him. I do, however, think the Frat Line will make the push up next year. However: I think they'd be best suited, for now, as a third line grind line providing some secondary scoring.

CAUTION: We are now entering the land of pipe dreams. If our cards are played correctly during free agency, he's our 2011 Stanley Cup winning team (and shocker: it fits under the cap).

Kovalchuk (8) – Savard (6)– Kessel (5.4)
Tlusty (3) – Kadri (875k) – Guerin (1.3)
Stalberg (850K) – Bozak(3.75) - Hanson(1)
Orr (1)– Mitchell(1.2) – Hagman(3)

Kaberle(4.25) – Komisarek(4.5)
Schenn(2.975) – Beau(3.8)
White(2) – Gunnarsson/Mikus(875K)

Gustavsson(3.5)
Macdonald (700K)

Is this realistic? Nooooope. Kovalchuk will probably either stay in Atlanta or be KHL bound: plus he'll get closer to 9-10 million. Savard actually doesn't look that unlikely at this point. Getting a vet like Billy Guerin for a year wouldn't hurt in the least especially since he can still score a couple goals. Kadri is magically ready to play, Blake is mysteriously dissapeared, and XLB/Finger have been let go for cheaper options.

Again: this is nothing else but something fun to look at, and I don't see us getting Kovalchuk. I wish. But just take a look at these scenarios and how the team has started to play:

We're not as far off as you might think.

L&L

PS: You can now reach the site from leafandlion.com

leafandlion.com

Yep, you heard me right. We've made the jump to dot com, and you can access from there. If you want to get to know what we're all about and you're a new reader, here's five articles that you should check out to see what L&L is all about.

Maple Leafian Rhapsody - A Queen Parody about your boys in blue.

Maple Leafs High School Report Card - If MLSE were a high school, it'd be something like this...

Faceoffs and Team Building - A look at the centres in the Leafs organization from an insider scoop.

2009 Plus/Minus - A two parter about the Leafs good, bad, and ugly.

And finally,

Nik Hagman Scores the Greatest Goal in the History of Hockey - See title.

Enjoy.

L&L


PS: Phil Kessel!

The Big Picture

Alright, with the first month of the season L&L brings to you a monthly segment called the big picture, where we take a look at the statistics of the past month and stretch them out to see where this is going to land us at the end of the year.

THE TEAM

TML OCTOBER: 12GP - 1W - 6L - 4OTL - 6PTS
TML FINAL: 82 GP - 7W - 41L - 27OTL - 41PTS

Which leaves us dead last in the NHL and serving the Bruins Taylor Hall on a platter. Sigh.

EASTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFFS

1. PIT (129)
2. BUF (127)
3. WAS (117)
4. NJD (109)
5. NYR (103)
6. PHI (97)
7. OTT (96)
8. MTL (82)

So not only do we finish last in the East but our rivals in Ottawa and Montreal sneak into the playoffs. Fantastic. Notably, we have the Boston Bruins narrowly missing out. Aside from that, I wouldn't be too surprised to see this be fairly accurate.

WESTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFFS

1. COL (120)
2. SJ (115)
3. CHI (107)
4. PHO (113)
5. LA (111)
6. CGY (103)
7. DAL (99)
8. VAN (87)

The West has a lot more surprises with the strong starts from Colorado, Phoenix, and LA. We've also got Detroit, Anaheim and Columbus left out in the cold with Edmonton joining Toronto as the only Canadian teams not aiming for the post season.


OUR BOYS

KABERLE 14G 103A 116P
GRABO 21G 48A 68P
HAGMAN 44G 22A 66P
STAJAN 22G 29A 52P
BLAKE 7G 41A 48P
STEMPY 27G 21A 48P
PONI 34G 7A 41P
WHITE 14G 27A 41P
MITCHY 0G 34A 34P
BEAUCH 14G 7A 21P

So Kaberle is going to rack up over 100 assists at this rate. Fantastic. Also pleased with Grabo's 70 point year and Hagger's 44 goals. Besides that, everything is not looking pretty right now. Let's take a look at the league leaders.


LEADING SCORERS

PLAYER G A P
OVECHKIN 82 53 135
MARLEAU 60 55 115
KOPITAR 64 64 123
NASH 69 69 126
GABORIK 50 50 120

Okay, so Ovechkin's getting 82 goals. Big deal. Kaberle's getting 103 assists.

30 Realistic Goals for the Remainder of the Season

VICTORY!

The Leafs finally pick up their first win. Gustavsson makes key saves, Nik Hagman leads the offense, Kaberle has the best game of his career, and the Leafs are playing the truculent style that Burke has put them together to play. Great to get a win, but it's going to make it way harder to lose if we go down in Dallas tonight. Not to mention I hate Dallas. So... lets not. Hopefully Gustavsson shuts down the team tonight he shut down in the off-season to play with the Leafs. Moving on.

Before the season started, I took some time to review our teams forwards and defence. As opposed to writing about what's happened all month, I'm going to change directions a bit and talk about what we should be accomplishing for the remainder of the year. Getting our first win was the first mountain to clim, so here's a list of the top remaining 30 goals that should be posted in the Leafs dressing room. I'll tick them off as they're accomplished throughout the year.

1. Beat the Montreal Canadiens. I'm sick of Habs fans. We should have won the first game, we played pretty well and a good portion of my buddies are Montreal fans: I've taken a bit of a beating lately so nothing would be better than the Leafs picking up a win when I'm piss drunk in my Wendel Clark hallowe'en costume.

2. Call up Tyler Bozak. The kid is awesome, he provides creativity like Grabovski, playmaking like Stajan, hockey smarts like Wallin, and chippy play like John Mitchell. So why is he not a centre for the big club?

3. Resolve the Toskala affair. Phantom knee injuries aside, I don't think I've felt more sympathy for a human being than I do for Vesa Toskala. Not only did playing in Toronto ruin his confidence and career, I'm pretty sure it ruined his life. He's like the kid getting bullied at the bus stop. Cut the cord, trade him somewhere. Maybe him and a prospect for Giguere. I know that seems crazy but Anaheim is on the hook for a 6 million dollar backup for two more years while Toskala could backup in a less stressful environment, save Anaheim cap room, and come off the books at the end of the year. Giguere would waive his no-trade to play for Burke again and would be a great mentor for Gustavsson.

4. Establish Mike Komisarek as a leader. Komisarek has calmed down lately with steadier play and less trips to the box. He's hitting, standing up for his teammates, and blocking shots. No BS, just like he gets payed for. And if anyone is questioning his value, look at Tomas Kaberle's play since Komisarek arrived. The next step for him to take is to firmly establish himself as a leader for the Leafs. With Luke Schenn showing this year that he actually is a mortal human being, Komo is really looking like the next Leafs captain. At least for a while.

5. Luke Schenn finds his game. Schenn really has not looked good and I'd imagine his confidence is getting shakier and shakier. A Marlies trip might be in order but we need Luke to remember that he's good enough to be considered the face of our franchise.

6. Luke Schenn finds his little brother Brayden and gently reminds him that he is to sign for the Leafs immediately after his deal with the Kings is done.

7. Move Mikhail Grabovski to the wing. Grabo's faceoff timing is about as good as breaking up with a girlfriend on her birthday after she gets her leg devoured by a wild antelope. Or...something of that nature. Let him zip around on the wing.

8. Colton Orr deciding that pushing a linesman is not enough and he needs to hunt down referee Kerry Fraser and feed him some Belak's.

9. Get out of last place. Just do it.

10. Viktor Stalberg finds the net. We know he can score, we saw it in the preseason. He's played well and he's been a creative spark but I'd like to see his point production increase. How about 20 goals, Vikky?

11. Record a shutout. I'm looking at you, Jonas.

12. Beat the Sens. Light up Leclaire, nail Alfreddson, fight Neil, make fun of Jason Spezza's goofy laugh. Laugh at Bob Murray saying Jashon Spezzcha. Laugh at the fact that every time I try to type his name I type Bill Murray.

13. Bring in Phil Kessel and put him on a line with Stajan and Hagman. Let him light the lamp for the blue and white and start working on Marc Savard because Savard misses having an elite scorer to pass to. Yeah, I said it.

14. Get out of the bottom five. I can stomach not making the playoffs (ech...kind of) and I'm glad we traded away our first round pick but I can't handle seeing the B's getting Hall, Seguin, Fowler, or Kabonov.

15. Get Matt "The Most Electrifying Man in Sports" Stajan in a fight. I thought he was going for it against the Ducks, I almost shit my clothes. I'm still not convinced he has human emotions.

16. Leaf & Lion learns how to spell Alexei Ponikarovsky. Is that even right?

17. Garnet Exelby learns how to spell "Ian White". And "house".

18. Bring in Christian Hanson. He's exactly the type of big forward we need to play physical on the boards and more importantly, be a big presence in front of the net.

19. Ian White continues his moustache maintenance to the point that it's dense enough to block shots without pain and acts as a third shin pad.

20. Put a letter on Ian White's jersey. I always thought it was a mistake to outright name three A's instead of rotating them. Whitey's been our most consistent player for two years and everyone in the universe loves him (except Ilya Kovalchuk...who will hopefully love him next year). I wouldn't mind Ian White to be captain of the leafs. I'm serious.

21. Trade for a top six forward. Get rid of some of our excess clutter and piece together a package for someone like Nathan Horton as we need legitimate offence.

22. Mike Komisarek scores a goal. Or Exelby. I'm not fussy.

23. Go on a seven game winning streak. Let's balance the books, boys.

24. Give Jiri Tlusty a shot to make the step from amateur to professional and pose for playgirl magazine.

25. Beat the Canucks... who I never noticed before this year, might actually be more irritating than Sens fans and are quickly approaching Montreal level.

26. Reach .500. AND BEYOND!

27. Re-evaluate Jason Blake's role on the team. Yeah, I know what we're paying him. But let's face it: Jason Blake is a hard worker and decent secondary scoring but with his hussle and the fact that no one likes Jason Blake he'd be best served as a third line superpest.

28. Grabovski's hair grows to Jaromir Jagr level. Oh yes.

29. Nik Hagman scores 30 goals. Besides the fact that he just put in three against the Ducks and he scored the greatest goal in the history of hockey, here's a little known fact about Nik Hagman: He's got more points every year he's played since the lockout.

2004 Florida Panthers 30 2G 4A 6P
2005 Dallas Stars 51GP 5G 8A 13P

2006 Dallas Stars 82 GP 17G 12A 29P

2007 Dallas Stars 82 GP 27G 14P 41P

2008 Toronto Maple Leafs 65 GP 22G 20A 42P (on pace for an 82 game 28 goal year)

30. Return to the playoffs. As of October 28th 2009, 1-7-1, I still believe.

L&L

ROAAAD TRIP!

Well, the first part of the season is over. Mercifully. Let's take a quick look back. You know what, no, let's not. Let's look ahead at our upcoming road trip and how we might fare. It'll be good for the new Leafs to take their first road trip as a team. Bob Segar, gas stations, road beer... it could be a place to pull something together. Of some form. The Leafs are actually getting a harder time from their fans then their enemies at this point (not the first or last time) so I'm thinking this just might be what the doctor ordered.

I've got hopes that it works out a bit like Almost Famous. The part where they sing Tiny Dancer. Not the part where they confess to sleeping with each others girlfriends, homosexuality, and vehicular manslaughter.

No wait, that's an Ottawa Senators road trip. Kelly Ripa!

I've amused myself to the point that I want to stop this blog right here. I will resist and continue.

SATURDAY: Vancouver

The Leafs roll into Vancouver. James Reimer is expected to get the start when Macdonald is sidelined following Kyle Wellwood confusing him with "McDonalds" and taking a bite out of his arm. The Leafs will spend the majority of the first period in the box as the Canucks think of clever ways to accuse them of tampering. Penalty kill will need to be strong.

Luke Schenn is expected to sit out this game and I can't help but root for this decision. Schenner has been pretty brutal all year and it's good to see Wilson actually show that players are accountable and benching the golden boy is a great way to walk the walk.

MONDAY: Anaheim

Jason "Casper" Blake is not expected to play after attempting to get a tan all day and being too sunburned to play. Vesa Toskala has actually been faking a knee injury as he's really suffering from the same burn from the red light burning the back of his neck. Bobby Ryan sees Brian Burke again and is frightened into scoring eleven goals and ending his slump. Similarly, I've got high hopes that coming back to Anaheim triggers Francois Beauchemin's memories of actually a being capable hockey player.

The good news is we'll have a capable goaltender in net for the first time in ages. Gustavsson or JS Giguere. The better news is we've got the possibility of a George Parros/Ian White moustache battle.

WEDNESDAY: Dallas

I hate Dallas. I hate Ribeiro, I hate Brendan Morrow, I hate Steve Ott. I do like when they sing the american national anthem and the crowd says STAAARS, though. But that's it.

I'm going to be liveblogging this game.

FRIDAY: Buffalo

Funny, if this is a home game, then why is everyone supporting the Leafs?

SATURDAY: Montreal

And everything comes full circle. I've got hopes that maybe this can be the game the Leafs pass the Canadiens in the standings. Maybe that's not realistic. But it's something to think about. What would be better than to see Komisarek, Grabo, and the rest of the Leafs hand it to the Canadiens in front of all their fans?

PREDICTION:
WINS: Canucks, Stars, Canadiens
LOSSES: Ducls, Sabres

L&L

I Am Glad We Have No 1st Rounder

Seven games in with no victories, I am GLAD we traded away our first rounders for Phil Kessel. I don't regret it, even now. Taylor Hall be damned. With every game we lose, more and more people are groaning at the fact that the Bruins have our draft choice. But not me. No way. Uh uh.

As I've stated before, I'm making an effort to be less fickle this year. I'm not going to lose my mind every time the Leafs allow a goal (I'd have about thirty minds lost by now, anyway). I'm staying with the bottle half full. And let's pretend it's a bottle of liquor. So, if my optimism isn't rewarded post game, well, at least I've got something to drink.

Expectations were certainly higher this year. Last year everyone knew damn well we were in a re-build and not to expect much. Burke and company certainly raised the bar this year and everyone started thinking about the playoffs. And I'll say this, as of October 20th, I'm still thinking about the playoffs. We're not going to lose every game, folks. Eventually our defencemen will find chemistry. Eventually our forwards will find the back of the netting. And eventually someone will come into the crease for Toronto who can keep the red light off for more than seven minutes at a time.

Well, hopefully.

As for the Kessel trade, everyone and their mother knows we gave up two first and a second. And as of right now we've traded Taylor Hall, a first, and a second. That seems like we really got bent over. But let's remember: this is as of RIGHT NOW. The draft isn't tomorrow. The draft takes place in June. And we've still got time to have a 150 point season. So, what's the obvious upside to Kessel?

It's been beaten to death. He can score from anywhere, he's got a rocket shot, he's a legitimate top three forward, and he's already a proven goalscorer at age 21. People say that this is only because of Savard but honestly I don't think Marc Savard has been firing shots in off Kessel's nut all year. You don't score that many goals because of someone else. Not at 21, at least. Let's not forget that it's been a dream for Savard to play for the Leafs since he was in junior hockey. Let's not forget that he's a UFA next season. Let's try to forget that players who want to play for Toronto usually wait until they're 45, concussion prone, and impotent. But it is what it is.

Anyway, after all that rambling, I'm STILL glad we traded our first overall. And here's why.

Flash back to the last game last year vs the Sens. Our bitter provincial rivals roll into town and we get a hat trick from working class hero Boyd Devereaux. What happened? People were miserable!

MISERABLE? Boyd Devereaux just scored a hat trick for the Leafs. Boyd Devereaux! Bruce Springsteen probably writes most of his songs about this guy! And we were unhappy. Because we wanted Brayden Schenn. People were hoping to lose games all year so we could tank and get Tavares. Leafs fans...were hoping...for the Leafs...to lose. Quite a dilemma.

And don't get me wrong, I was, in the back of my mind, hoping for that too. But forget everything Kessel brings to the table, what we have now is the ability to cheer for our team as we are meant to: joy when we win, frustration when we lose. If we hadn't traded those picks, people would be jumping for joy in the streets and calling to trade everyone for Bates Battaglia and start making Taylor Hall jerseys. But no. It's not like that. Every single game the Leafs take the ice we are hoping that they pick up a win.

We are winless, but we are united together in our frustration. Just like we will be united when the Leafs pull together and put up some wins. Every single Leafs fan wants to win every game, and every single Leafs fan will be dissapointed when they lose.

And that's what being a fan is all about.

L&L

October 17th, 2009: Leafs vs Rangers

I was out last night drinking tequila and Jack Daniels, so, in other words, I'm going to be staying in tonight and live blogging this game so be sure to check up on game time.

Here's the lines for tonight. Feel free to comment with your thoughts.

Jason Blake - Matt Stajan - Viktor Stalberg
Nik Hagman - Mikhail Grabovski - Alex Ponikarovsky
Niklas Wallin - John Mitchell - Lee Stempniak
Colton Orr - Wayne Primeau - Jay Rosehill

Kaberle - Komisarek
Beauchemin - White
Schenn - Finger

This marks the return of our opening night forward line-up. I'm happy to see the Wallin/Mitchell/Stempy line back (assuming Ron Wilson doesn't put them on the powerplay - Terry Fox finishes better than John Mitchell).

White is hopefully getting some well deserved extra icetime and will ignite Beauchemin like he did Schenn. Ian White is the man. Macdonald gets another start to prove himself. Here's to him.

As for Wilson's pregame speech? Forget it. Just play this:





FIRST INTERMISSION: Okay, so my niece cried for eighty minutes and I missed the first period. And we're losing. Fucking great. Unbelievable start to my first live blog. I have no idea what happened, but oh well, hopefully I'm good luck. Cherry playing the Rocky anthem was MONEY. I don't care what people say about him, he's even better in his crazy old age.

SECOND PERIOD
-Is there any way that Montreal vs Ottawa can have two losers? Someone should bulldoze the arena while they're in it. Maybe we should send Garnet Exelby to body check it. Oh no, but then we'd lose a lot of innocent Montreal/Ottawa fans. Oh no...

-Screw it. I just cracked a beer.("I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up it's the best they'll feel all day").

-Stalberg is an absolute lunatic and he's got wheels like nobodies business. I think we've got a beauty kid.

-Stajan just tossed a pass that I bet Phil Kessel would have buried. MATTYYYYY.

-Brashear backs down from Colton Orr. You know it. Followed up with a big hit on Del Zotto by Primeau. This is what we need this line doing. Causing shit and making kids like Del Zotto nervous.

-God dammit. The Ugly Betty of the Staal family scores on McDonald. Luke Schenn's plus/minus has to be like minus infinite. We need someone making saves like King Henrik because I bet we're going to lose all our momentum. As I typed this he just made the exact same save on the other end.

-Wow. A powerplay goal against the Leafs! Shocker. Macdonald's legs are more open than the hookers outside the ice on Young Street.

-IAN WHITE.

-Boys look fired up all over again. Brashear turned down Orr but Colton and Jay Rosehill think that if they entice him at the same time he'll do both. Math!? Orr just got Brash to take a penalty. Colton Orr is our only signing right now who's doing what we signed him to do.

-Also, I cannot WAIT to see Where the Wild Things are. Then again, how a 90 minute movie got made out of a forty word book is beyond me. It is what it is.

-Stalberg flies to the net like Usain Bolt and almost goes roof daddy with one hand. What a kid. If we had that one, this game would be different. The crowd is getting into it now.

-Grabovski must be shooting a shampoo commercial after this game. Look at this kid! Fucking Rapunzel.

-Komisarek is making his case for captain with solid play and stitches that match his jersey.

-The bad news is Luke Schenn takes a penalty. The good news is he won't be killing it.

-Macdonald makes a big glove save and the Leafs fans applaud a big save for the first time since Ed Belfour left.

-Dear God. Ian White just took a puck to the moustache. Is this going to be like Rookie of the Year when the kids arm breaks and he loses his skill again? Stay tuned.

-Brashear isn't man enough to take on Orr or Rosehill. He decides to start chirping an already cut-up Mike Komisarek. Komisarek responds by audibly calling Brashear a "fucking bitch".

-To close out the 2nd, Matt Stajan gets punched in the face and responds with the intensity of a coma patient. Does he have any feelings? Seriously! He's catatonic.

3RD PERIOD

-Another goal with Schenn on the ice. His confidence has got to be hurting. Not good. Not to mention this really isn't the start we wanted.

-Why is Grabovski not moved to the wing yet? He's got to be the worst faceoff man in the league. It's like having Verne Troyer take faceoffs with his eyes closed and a huge mullett.

-When I'm making Verne Troyer references, we're in a bit of trouble. Speaking of trouble, our penalty kill has been that bad it's covered up the fact that our powerplay is brutal too.

-How rattled do the boys look on the bench? It's like the Breakfast club. Matt Stajan plays Emilio Estevez. Grabo can be Molly Ringwald. Now we just need Ron Wilson handing out detentions.

-Matt Stajan (the most electrifying man in hockey) tries to split through four Rangers. You know you're in hard shape when Stajan is the most exciting player on the ice.

-Hockey Night in Canada...in Punjabi...?

-This would be a different game if we had a goalie like Lundqvist making the saves he's had. This would be the Rangers 7th win in a row. Unreal.

-Del Zotto's visor is so small. He looks like that guy from Star Trek. It's like 1/20 the size of Dany Heatley's.

-Leafs fans get on their case as the Rangers have been in their zone since the cold war.

-Is anyone seeing this animal slow clap commercial? EASILY the best thing I've seen all night.

-Del Zotto's parents don't seem to care much about this game. They look like Matt Stajan's parents.

-I can't do this anymore. I'm going to let the last two minutes speak for themselves. All the best.

L&L