Much has been said regarding the Leafs having competition for jobs. Brian Burke has come in and established the "no free rides" effect where people are going to have to actually perform to get their icetime (somewhere in the distance, Bryan McCabe wakes up in a cold sweat) and won't just get thrown into the lineup. Burke's mentioned this, stating that there's 25 guys in the weight room daily. However, at least eight of these players are just people Mike Komisarek brought in as dumbbells.
Still, it really is quite crowded in terms of roster spots. We've got more blueliners than John Ferguson's got brain cells. However, there's also quite a jam in the middle. If you look down the depth chart, it looks something like this:
Mikhail Grabovski
Matt Stajan
Tyler Bozak
Rickard Wallin
John Mitchell
Jiri Tlusty
Wayne Primeau
That's seven players who have a fairly reasonable shot at making the Leafs. I can't help but think that Grabo really is going to get the chance to establish himself as our number one centre. As much as I love Stajan, right now he looks pretty lost in the shuffle and may end up being traded. Look for Bozak to be our top rookie this year and claim the number two spot (and write me down as the one who said that, I'm probably Bozak's number one fan). Assuming he adjusts to the NHL, Wallin will take the third line spot (along with significant penalty killing time). John Mitchell will continue to be the best fourth line centre in the NHL, and this leaves Tlusty and Primeau in the press box. However, with Tlusty lighting up the Marlies I've got a feeling (and not in a Black Eyed Peas kind of way) that he's going to get a shot at making the big club and I'm guessing Primeau will fill in as a role player and is mostly here to help the dressing room. We've also got Christian Hanson who can play as a centre and apparently Nazem Kadri is making a run as well.
Apparently, this competition has been the cause of some animousity among the players. Ron Wilson and Brian Burke have scheduled an emergency skate/team building exercise that only the players competing for centremen positions attended. I was lucky enough to attend this practice.
***
Mikhail Grabovski, Matt Stajan, Tyler Bozak, Rickard Wallin, John Mitchell, Wayne Primeau, Jiri Tlusty, Nazem Kadri, and Christian Hanson are doing rigorous skating exercises, being watched by Ron Wilson. Burke approaches Wilson.
Burke: How are the boys looking?
Wilson: Good. Everyone seems to be working hard. Tlusty doesn't really seem like he's that committed. He didn't even wear gear.
Burke: Well Ron if it's only a skate, do they really need to be wearing full gear?
Wilson: Burkie. Look at him. He's completely naked.
Burke: God dammit. I thought we got that sorted out. Call them over.
Ron Wilson blows his whistle and the players skate over, exhausted.
Mitchell: This is brutal. We're here doing double practice for team building the Canadiens got to visit the cast of the Lord of the Rings.
Bozak: Really? How did they manage that?
Mitchell: Apparently Scott Gomez has connections.
Wilson: Alright boys, pipe down. Now, we're going to go around in a circle and everyone is going to say something interesting about themselves and what they bring to the Leafs. Pretend you guys have never met, we need a fresh start. Christian, I guess we'll start with you.
Hanson: Hey, I'm Christian Hanson. I started with the Leafs at the end of last year. I guess an interesting thing about me would be that my dad was actually in the Slapshot movies -
The team lets out an exasperated sigh.
Hanson: What? You guys didn't know! I even brought the glasses! How cool is that?
Wilson: Christian nobody cares. Seriously. Stop bringing that up. Grabo?
Grabovski: I am Grabovski. I will play first line. I will score eighty goals. I will kill Jason Blake.
Burke (quietly): Well, that's a salary off the cap...
Bozak: Hey, I'm Tyler Bozak. I played in the NCAA and I'm happy to be here in Toronto. I guess an interesting story would be that I used to have long hair like Grabovski but a couple days after I signed with Toronto I was attacked by four russian mobsters. They pinned me down and cut it off. How weird is that?
Grabovski: Yes. Quite weird.
Theo Fleury: Hi, I'm Theo Fleury and I'm an alcoholic. I'm pretty down on my luck, I spent all my money on cocaine and pyramid schemes. I...I think I'm at the wrong meeting. Crap. This is embarassing...uh, Brian, while I'm here, could we talk about maybe a contract or -
Burke: No. Get out.
Theo Fleury begins to skate off the ice. Suddenly, Garnet Exelby skates onto the ice chewing on an elbow pad and flattens Fleury with an open ice hit.
Burke: Exelby, what are you doing here? You're not a centre!
Exelby: WHERE STEWY. WHY YOU SEND HIM AWAY? ANGRY!
Burke: We've been over this. We traded him to Calgary.
Exelby: WHERE CALGARY.
Burke: On the other end of the country Garnet. Settle down.
Exelby looks at Burke with a look of determination, and skates away, presumably to Calgary to find Colin Stuart.
Wilson: Er, I guess this is a good time for you to go Wayne.
Primeau: Ah...this is awkward. I didn't think I was actually going to have to play. I thought I was going to be kind of like the Brad May deal where I just lived with Luke Schenn and got to sleep with the less attractive friend when he brought girls home. Sorry. Er, how about you, kid?
Nazem: Hi guys, I'm Nazem Kad-
Wilson: You're not playing in the NHL this year Nazem.
Nazem: But I figured if I worked really ha-
Wilson: No.
Nazem: I really thi-
Wilson: Get off the ice.
Burke: And call LA. Offer them you and a second rounder for Brayden Schenn. And Christian, take those god damn glasses off.
Kadri skates off the ice, dejected.
Wallin: I'm Rickard Wallin, I played in Sweden last year with Jonas.
Burke: And what are you doing here? You're not going to be playing centre for us!
Wallin: You want me to play on the wing?
Burke: No. We signed you to for Gustavsson.
Wallin: Well, that's okay, but I can still contribute on the ice.
Burke: Didn't you read your contract? We signed you to basically be his assistant. Carry his bag, answer his phone...
Grabovski: Eat his pineapple.
Burke: Exactly. Wait, what?
Wilson: Moving on. Mitchell?
Mitchell: I'm John Mitchell and I wish Tlusty would take his penis off my shoulder. I think that's it for me.
Burke: Okay. Tradebait? I mean, Stajan?
Stajan: Well you know, I think we worked really hard tonight. We put in a hard effort and sometimes you get the bounces sometimes you don't.
Burke: Did you hear me? This isn't an interview son. The media isn't here.
Stajan: Well you know, I think we worked really hard tonight. Sometimes you get the bounces sometimes you don't.
Burke: Dammit. I think he's stuck.
Stajan: Well, you know, I think we worked really hard to-
Wilson: OKAY, let's keep this going. Tlusty?
Tlusty: I'm Jiri. I did my time in the AHL and I'm going to be scoring five goal games for the Leafs this year. They call me the Czechoslovakian Flash.
Burke: That's Teemu Selannes nickname.
Tlusty: Yes, but mine refers to my...
Stajan: Well you know, I think we worked really hard tonight...
Burke: Someone get him out of here.
-L&L
Still, it really is quite crowded in terms of roster spots. We've got more blueliners than John Ferguson's got brain cells. However, there's also quite a jam in the middle. If you look down the depth chart, it looks something like this:
Mikhail Grabovski
Matt Stajan
Tyler Bozak
Rickard Wallin
John Mitchell
Jiri Tlusty
Wayne Primeau
That's seven players who have a fairly reasonable shot at making the Leafs. I can't help but think that Grabo really is going to get the chance to establish himself as our number one centre. As much as I love Stajan, right now he looks pretty lost in the shuffle and may end up being traded. Look for Bozak to be our top rookie this year and claim the number two spot (and write me down as the one who said that, I'm probably Bozak's number one fan). Assuming he adjusts to the NHL, Wallin will take the third line spot (along with significant penalty killing time). John Mitchell will continue to be the best fourth line centre in the NHL, and this leaves Tlusty and Primeau in the press box. However, with Tlusty lighting up the Marlies I've got a feeling (and not in a Black Eyed Peas kind of way) that he's going to get a shot at making the big club and I'm guessing Primeau will fill in as a role player and is mostly here to help the dressing room. We've also got Christian Hanson who can play as a centre and apparently Nazem Kadri is making a run as well.
Apparently, this competition has been the cause of some animousity among the players. Ron Wilson and Brian Burke have scheduled an emergency skate/team building exercise that only the players competing for centremen positions attended. I was lucky enough to attend this practice.
***
Mikhail Grabovski, Matt Stajan, Tyler Bozak, Rickard Wallin, John Mitchell, Wayne Primeau, Jiri Tlusty, Nazem Kadri, and Christian Hanson are doing rigorous skating exercises, being watched by Ron Wilson. Burke approaches Wilson.
Burke: How are the boys looking?
Wilson: Good. Everyone seems to be working hard. Tlusty doesn't really seem like he's that committed. He didn't even wear gear.
Burke: Well Ron if it's only a skate, do they really need to be wearing full gear?
Wilson: Burkie. Look at him. He's completely naked.
Burke: God dammit. I thought we got that sorted out. Call them over.
Ron Wilson blows his whistle and the players skate over, exhausted.
Mitchell: This is brutal. We're here doing double practice for team building the Canadiens got to visit the cast of the Lord of the Rings.
Bozak: Really? How did they manage that?
Mitchell: Apparently Scott Gomez has connections.
Wilson: Alright boys, pipe down. Now, we're going to go around in a circle and everyone is going to say something interesting about themselves and what they bring to the Leafs. Pretend you guys have never met, we need a fresh start. Christian, I guess we'll start with you.
Hanson: Hey, I'm Christian Hanson. I started with the Leafs at the end of last year. I guess an interesting thing about me would be that my dad was actually in the Slapshot movies -
The team lets out an exasperated sigh.
Hanson: What? You guys didn't know! I even brought the glasses! How cool is that?
Wilson: Christian nobody cares. Seriously. Stop bringing that up. Grabo?
Grabovski: I am Grabovski. I will play first line. I will score eighty goals. I will kill Jason Blake.
Burke (quietly): Well, that's a salary off the cap...
Bozak: Hey, I'm Tyler Bozak. I played in the NCAA and I'm happy to be here in Toronto. I guess an interesting story would be that I used to have long hair like Grabovski but a couple days after I signed with Toronto I was attacked by four russian mobsters. They pinned me down and cut it off. How weird is that?
Grabovski: Yes. Quite weird.
Theo Fleury: Hi, I'm Theo Fleury and I'm an alcoholic. I'm pretty down on my luck, I spent all my money on cocaine and pyramid schemes. I...I think I'm at the wrong meeting. Crap. This is embarassing...uh, Brian, while I'm here, could we talk about maybe a contract or -
Burke: No. Get out.
Theo Fleury begins to skate off the ice. Suddenly, Garnet Exelby skates onto the ice chewing on an elbow pad and flattens Fleury with an open ice hit.
Burke: Exelby, what are you doing here? You're not a centre!
Exelby: WHERE STEWY. WHY YOU SEND HIM AWAY? ANGRY!
Burke: We've been over this. We traded him to Calgary.
Exelby: WHERE CALGARY.
Burke: On the other end of the country Garnet. Settle down.
Exelby looks at Burke with a look of determination, and skates away, presumably to Calgary to find Colin Stuart.
Wilson: Er, I guess this is a good time for you to go Wayne.
Primeau: Ah...this is awkward. I didn't think I was actually going to have to play. I thought I was going to be kind of like the Brad May deal where I just lived with Luke Schenn and got to sleep with the less attractive friend when he brought girls home. Sorry. Er, how about you, kid?
Nazem: Hi guys, I'm Nazem Kad-
Wilson: You're not playing in the NHL this year Nazem.
Nazem: But I figured if I worked really ha-
Wilson: No.
Nazem: I really thi-
Wilson: Get off the ice.
Burke: And call LA. Offer them you and a second rounder for Brayden Schenn. And Christian, take those god damn glasses off.
Kadri skates off the ice, dejected.
Wallin: I'm Rickard Wallin, I played in Sweden last year with Jonas.
Burke: And what are you doing here? You're not going to be playing centre for us!
Wallin: You want me to play on the wing?
Burke: No. We signed you to for Gustavsson.
Wallin: Well, that's okay, but I can still contribute on the ice.
Burke: Didn't you read your contract? We signed you to basically be his assistant. Carry his bag, answer his phone...
Grabovski: Eat his pineapple.
Burke: Exactly. Wait, what?
Wilson: Moving on. Mitchell?
Mitchell: I'm John Mitchell and I wish Tlusty would take his penis off my shoulder. I think that's it for me.
Burke: Okay. Tradebait? I mean, Stajan?
Stajan: Well you know, I think we worked really hard tonight. We put in a hard effort and sometimes you get the bounces sometimes you don't.
Burke: Did you hear me? This isn't an interview son. The media isn't here.
Stajan: Well you know, I think we worked really hard tonight. Sometimes you get the bounces sometimes you don't.
Burke: Dammit. I think he's stuck.
Stajan: Well, you know, I think we worked really hard to-
Wilson: OKAY, let's keep this going. Tlusty?
Tlusty: I'm Jiri. I did my time in the AHL and I'm going to be scoring five goal games for the Leafs this year. They call me the Czechoslovakian Flash.
Burke: That's Teemu Selannes nickname.
Tlusty: Yes, but mine refers to my...
Stajan: Well you know, I think we worked really hard tonight...
Burke: Someone get him out of here.
-L&L
Posts
HIlarious
ReplyDeletebut I think tlusty makes the jump as a winger this year
Well, that's it. Tlusty's new nickname is "my dick on your shoulder".
ReplyDelete