30 Realistic Goals for the Remainder of the Season

VICTORY!

The Leafs finally pick up their first win. Gustavsson makes key saves, Nik Hagman leads the offense, Kaberle has the best game of his career, and the Leafs are playing the truculent style that Burke has put them together to play. Great to get a win, but it's going to make it way harder to lose if we go down in Dallas tonight. Not to mention I hate Dallas. So... lets not. Hopefully Gustavsson shuts down the team tonight he shut down in the off-season to play with the Leafs. Moving on.

Before the season started, I took some time to review our teams forwards and defence. As opposed to writing about what's happened all month, I'm going to change directions a bit and talk about what we should be accomplishing for the remainder of the year. Getting our first win was the first mountain to clim, so here's a list of the top remaining 30 goals that should be posted in the Leafs dressing room. I'll tick them off as they're accomplished throughout the year.

1. Beat the Montreal Canadiens. I'm sick of Habs fans. We should have won the first game, we played pretty well and a good portion of my buddies are Montreal fans: I've taken a bit of a beating lately so nothing would be better than the Leafs picking up a win when I'm piss drunk in my Wendel Clark hallowe'en costume.

2. Call up Tyler Bozak. The kid is awesome, he provides creativity like Grabovski, playmaking like Stajan, hockey smarts like Wallin, and chippy play like John Mitchell. So why is he not a centre for the big club?

3. Resolve the Toskala affair. Phantom knee injuries aside, I don't think I've felt more sympathy for a human being than I do for Vesa Toskala. Not only did playing in Toronto ruin his confidence and career, I'm pretty sure it ruined his life. He's like the kid getting bullied at the bus stop. Cut the cord, trade him somewhere. Maybe him and a prospect for Giguere. I know that seems crazy but Anaheim is on the hook for a 6 million dollar backup for two more years while Toskala could backup in a less stressful environment, save Anaheim cap room, and come off the books at the end of the year. Giguere would waive his no-trade to play for Burke again and would be a great mentor for Gustavsson.

4. Establish Mike Komisarek as a leader. Komisarek has calmed down lately with steadier play and less trips to the box. He's hitting, standing up for his teammates, and blocking shots. No BS, just like he gets payed for. And if anyone is questioning his value, look at Tomas Kaberle's play since Komisarek arrived. The next step for him to take is to firmly establish himself as a leader for the Leafs. With Luke Schenn showing this year that he actually is a mortal human being, Komo is really looking like the next Leafs captain. At least for a while.

5. Luke Schenn finds his game. Schenn really has not looked good and I'd imagine his confidence is getting shakier and shakier. A Marlies trip might be in order but we need Luke to remember that he's good enough to be considered the face of our franchise.

6. Luke Schenn finds his little brother Brayden and gently reminds him that he is to sign for the Leafs immediately after his deal with the Kings is done.

7. Move Mikhail Grabovski to the wing. Grabo's faceoff timing is about as good as breaking up with a girlfriend on her birthday after she gets her leg devoured by a wild antelope. Or...something of that nature. Let him zip around on the wing.

8. Colton Orr deciding that pushing a linesman is not enough and he needs to hunt down referee Kerry Fraser and feed him some Belak's.

9. Get out of last place. Just do it.

10. Viktor Stalberg finds the net. We know he can score, we saw it in the preseason. He's played well and he's been a creative spark but I'd like to see his point production increase. How about 20 goals, Vikky?

11. Record a shutout. I'm looking at you, Jonas.

12. Beat the Sens. Light up Leclaire, nail Alfreddson, fight Neil, make fun of Jason Spezza's goofy laugh. Laugh at Bob Murray saying Jashon Spezzcha. Laugh at the fact that every time I try to type his name I type Bill Murray.

13. Bring in Phil Kessel and put him on a line with Stajan and Hagman. Let him light the lamp for the blue and white and start working on Marc Savard because Savard misses having an elite scorer to pass to. Yeah, I said it.

14. Get out of the bottom five. I can stomach not making the playoffs (ech...kind of) and I'm glad we traded away our first round pick but I can't handle seeing the B's getting Hall, Seguin, Fowler, or Kabonov.

15. Get Matt "The Most Electrifying Man in Sports" Stajan in a fight. I thought he was going for it against the Ducks, I almost shit my clothes. I'm still not convinced he has human emotions.

16. Leaf & Lion learns how to spell Alexei Ponikarovsky. Is that even right?

17. Garnet Exelby learns how to spell "Ian White". And "house".

18. Bring in Christian Hanson. He's exactly the type of big forward we need to play physical on the boards and more importantly, be a big presence in front of the net.

19. Ian White continues his moustache maintenance to the point that it's dense enough to block shots without pain and acts as a third shin pad.

20. Put a letter on Ian White's jersey. I always thought it was a mistake to outright name three A's instead of rotating them. Whitey's been our most consistent player for two years and everyone in the universe loves him (except Ilya Kovalchuk...who will hopefully love him next year). I wouldn't mind Ian White to be captain of the leafs. I'm serious.

21. Trade for a top six forward. Get rid of some of our excess clutter and piece together a package for someone like Nathan Horton as we need legitimate offence.

22. Mike Komisarek scores a goal. Or Exelby. I'm not fussy.

23. Go on a seven game winning streak. Let's balance the books, boys.

24. Give Jiri Tlusty a shot to make the step from amateur to professional and pose for playgirl magazine.

25. Beat the Canucks... who I never noticed before this year, might actually be more irritating than Sens fans and are quickly approaching Montreal level.

26. Reach .500. AND BEYOND!

27. Re-evaluate Jason Blake's role on the team. Yeah, I know what we're paying him. But let's face it: Jason Blake is a hard worker and decent secondary scoring but with his hussle and the fact that no one likes Jason Blake he'd be best served as a third line superpest.

28. Grabovski's hair grows to Jaromir Jagr level. Oh yes.

29. Nik Hagman scores 30 goals. Besides the fact that he just put in three against the Ducks and he scored the greatest goal in the history of hockey, here's a little known fact about Nik Hagman: He's got more points every year he's played since the lockout.

2004 Florida Panthers 30 2G 4A 6P
2005 Dallas Stars 51GP 5G 8A 13P

2006 Dallas Stars 82 GP 17G 12A 29P

2007 Dallas Stars 82 GP 27G 14P 41P

2008 Toronto Maple Leafs 65 GP 22G 20A 42P (on pace for an 82 game 28 goal year)

30. Return to the playoffs. As of October 28th 2009, 1-7-1, I still believe.

L&L

ROAAAD TRIP!

Well, the first part of the season is over. Mercifully. Let's take a quick look back. You know what, no, let's not. Let's look ahead at our upcoming road trip and how we might fare. It'll be good for the new Leafs to take their first road trip as a team. Bob Segar, gas stations, road beer... it could be a place to pull something together. Of some form. The Leafs are actually getting a harder time from their fans then their enemies at this point (not the first or last time) so I'm thinking this just might be what the doctor ordered.

I've got hopes that it works out a bit like Almost Famous. The part where they sing Tiny Dancer. Not the part where they confess to sleeping with each others girlfriends, homosexuality, and vehicular manslaughter.

No wait, that's an Ottawa Senators road trip. Kelly Ripa!

I've amused myself to the point that I want to stop this blog right here. I will resist and continue.

SATURDAY: Vancouver

The Leafs roll into Vancouver. James Reimer is expected to get the start when Macdonald is sidelined following Kyle Wellwood confusing him with "McDonalds" and taking a bite out of his arm. The Leafs will spend the majority of the first period in the box as the Canucks think of clever ways to accuse them of tampering. Penalty kill will need to be strong.

Luke Schenn is expected to sit out this game and I can't help but root for this decision. Schenner has been pretty brutal all year and it's good to see Wilson actually show that players are accountable and benching the golden boy is a great way to walk the walk.

MONDAY: Anaheim

Jason "Casper" Blake is not expected to play after attempting to get a tan all day and being too sunburned to play. Vesa Toskala has actually been faking a knee injury as he's really suffering from the same burn from the red light burning the back of his neck. Bobby Ryan sees Brian Burke again and is frightened into scoring eleven goals and ending his slump. Similarly, I've got high hopes that coming back to Anaheim triggers Francois Beauchemin's memories of actually a being capable hockey player.

The good news is we'll have a capable goaltender in net for the first time in ages. Gustavsson or JS Giguere. The better news is we've got the possibility of a George Parros/Ian White moustache battle.

WEDNESDAY: Dallas

I hate Dallas. I hate Ribeiro, I hate Brendan Morrow, I hate Steve Ott. I do like when they sing the american national anthem and the crowd says STAAARS, though. But that's it.

I'm going to be liveblogging this game.

FRIDAY: Buffalo

Funny, if this is a home game, then why is everyone supporting the Leafs?

SATURDAY: Montreal

And everything comes full circle. I've got hopes that maybe this can be the game the Leafs pass the Canadiens in the standings. Maybe that's not realistic. But it's something to think about. What would be better than to see Komisarek, Grabo, and the rest of the Leafs hand it to the Canadiens in front of all their fans?

PREDICTION:
WINS: Canucks, Stars, Canadiens
LOSSES: Ducls, Sabres

L&L

I Am Glad We Have No 1st Rounder

Seven games in with no victories, I am GLAD we traded away our first rounders for Phil Kessel. I don't regret it, even now. Taylor Hall be damned. With every game we lose, more and more people are groaning at the fact that the Bruins have our draft choice. But not me. No way. Uh uh.

As I've stated before, I'm making an effort to be less fickle this year. I'm not going to lose my mind every time the Leafs allow a goal (I'd have about thirty minds lost by now, anyway). I'm staying with the bottle half full. And let's pretend it's a bottle of liquor. So, if my optimism isn't rewarded post game, well, at least I've got something to drink.

Expectations were certainly higher this year. Last year everyone knew damn well we were in a re-build and not to expect much. Burke and company certainly raised the bar this year and everyone started thinking about the playoffs. And I'll say this, as of October 20th, I'm still thinking about the playoffs. We're not going to lose every game, folks. Eventually our defencemen will find chemistry. Eventually our forwards will find the back of the netting. And eventually someone will come into the crease for Toronto who can keep the red light off for more than seven minutes at a time.

Well, hopefully.

As for the Kessel trade, everyone and their mother knows we gave up two first and a second. And as of right now we've traded Taylor Hall, a first, and a second. That seems like we really got bent over. But let's remember: this is as of RIGHT NOW. The draft isn't tomorrow. The draft takes place in June. And we've still got time to have a 150 point season. So, what's the obvious upside to Kessel?

It's been beaten to death. He can score from anywhere, he's got a rocket shot, he's a legitimate top three forward, and he's already a proven goalscorer at age 21. People say that this is only because of Savard but honestly I don't think Marc Savard has been firing shots in off Kessel's nut all year. You don't score that many goals because of someone else. Not at 21, at least. Let's not forget that it's been a dream for Savard to play for the Leafs since he was in junior hockey. Let's not forget that he's a UFA next season. Let's try to forget that players who want to play for Toronto usually wait until they're 45, concussion prone, and impotent. But it is what it is.

Anyway, after all that rambling, I'm STILL glad we traded our first overall. And here's why.

Flash back to the last game last year vs the Sens. Our bitter provincial rivals roll into town and we get a hat trick from working class hero Boyd Devereaux. What happened? People were miserable!

MISERABLE? Boyd Devereaux just scored a hat trick for the Leafs. Boyd Devereaux! Bruce Springsteen probably writes most of his songs about this guy! And we were unhappy. Because we wanted Brayden Schenn. People were hoping to lose games all year so we could tank and get Tavares. Leafs fans...were hoping...for the Leafs...to lose. Quite a dilemma.

And don't get me wrong, I was, in the back of my mind, hoping for that too. But forget everything Kessel brings to the table, what we have now is the ability to cheer for our team as we are meant to: joy when we win, frustration when we lose. If we hadn't traded those picks, people would be jumping for joy in the streets and calling to trade everyone for Bates Battaglia and start making Taylor Hall jerseys. But no. It's not like that. Every single game the Leafs take the ice we are hoping that they pick up a win.

We are winless, but we are united together in our frustration. Just like we will be united when the Leafs pull together and put up some wins. Every single Leafs fan wants to win every game, and every single Leafs fan will be dissapointed when they lose.

And that's what being a fan is all about.

L&L

October 17th, 2009: Leafs vs Rangers

I was out last night drinking tequila and Jack Daniels, so, in other words, I'm going to be staying in tonight and live blogging this game so be sure to check up on game time.

Here's the lines for tonight. Feel free to comment with your thoughts.

Jason Blake - Matt Stajan - Viktor Stalberg
Nik Hagman - Mikhail Grabovski - Alex Ponikarovsky
Niklas Wallin - John Mitchell - Lee Stempniak
Colton Orr - Wayne Primeau - Jay Rosehill

Kaberle - Komisarek
Beauchemin - White
Schenn - Finger

This marks the return of our opening night forward line-up. I'm happy to see the Wallin/Mitchell/Stempy line back (assuming Ron Wilson doesn't put them on the powerplay - Terry Fox finishes better than John Mitchell).

White is hopefully getting some well deserved extra icetime and will ignite Beauchemin like he did Schenn. Ian White is the man. Macdonald gets another start to prove himself. Here's to him.

As for Wilson's pregame speech? Forget it. Just play this:





FIRST INTERMISSION: Okay, so my niece cried for eighty minutes and I missed the first period. And we're losing. Fucking great. Unbelievable start to my first live blog. I have no idea what happened, but oh well, hopefully I'm good luck. Cherry playing the Rocky anthem was MONEY. I don't care what people say about him, he's even better in his crazy old age.

SECOND PERIOD
-Is there any way that Montreal vs Ottawa can have two losers? Someone should bulldoze the arena while they're in it. Maybe we should send Garnet Exelby to body check it. Oh no, but then we'd lose a lot of innocent Montreal/Ottawa fans. Oh no...

-Screw it. I just cracked a beer.("I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up it's the best they'll feel all day").

-Stalberg is an absolute lunatic and he's got wheels like nobodies business. I think we've got a beauty kid.

-Stajan just tossed a pass that I bet Phil Kessel would have buried. MATTYYYYY.

-Brashear backs down from Colton Orr. You know it. Followed up with a big hit on Del Zotto by Primeau. This is what we need this line doing. Causing shit and making kids like Del Zotto nervous.

-God dammit. The Ugly Betty of the Staal family scores on McDonald. Luke Schenn's plus/minus has to be like minus infinite. We need someone making saves like King Henrik because I bet we're going to lose all our momentum. As I typed this he just made the exact same save on the other end.

-Wow. A powerplay goal against the Leafs! Shocker. Macdonald's legs are more open than the hookers outside the ice on Young Street.

-IAN WHITE.

-Boys look fired up all over again. Brashear turned down Orr but Colton and Jay Rosehill think that if they entice him at the same time he'll do both. Math!? Orr just got Brash to take a penalty. Colton Orr is our only signing right now who's doing what we signed him to do.

-Also, I cannot WAIT to see Where the Wild Things are. Then again, how a 90 minute movie got made out of a forty word book is beyond me. It is what it is.

-Stalberg flies to the net like Usain Bolt and almost goes roof daddy with one hand. What a kid. If we had that one, this game would be different. The crowd is getting into it now.

-Grabovski must be shooting a shampoo commercial after this game. Look at this kid! Fucking Rapunzel.

-Komisarek is making his case for captain with solid play and stitches that match his jersey.

-The bad news is Luke Schenn takes a penalty. The good news is he won't be killing it.

-Macdonald makes a big glove save and the Leafs fans applaud a big save for the first time since Ed Belfour left.

-Dear God. Ian White just took a puck to the moustache. Is this going to be like Rookie of the Year when the kids arm breaks and he loses his skill again? Stay tuned.

-Brashear isn't man enough to take on Orr or Rosehill. He decides to start chirping an already cut-up Mike Komisarek. Komisarek responds by audibly calling Brashear a "fucking bitch".

-To close out the 2nd, Matt Stajan gets punched in the face and responds with the intensity of a coma patient. Does he have any feelings? Seriously! He's catatonic.

3RD PERIOD

-Another goal with Schenn on the ice. His confidence has got to be hurting. Not good. Not to mention this really isn't the start we wanted.

-Why is Grabovski not moved to the wing yet? He's got to be the worst faceoff man in the league. It's like having Verne Troyer take faceoffs with his eyes closed and a huge mullett.

-When I'm making Verne Troyer references, we're in a bit of trouble. Speaking of trouble, our penalty kill has been that bad it's covered up the fact that our powerplay is brutal too.

-How rattled do the boys look on the bench? It's like the Breakfast club. Matt Stajan plays Emilio Estevez. Grabo can be Molly Ringwald. Now we just need Ron Wilson handing out detentions.

-Matt Stajan (the most electrifying man in hockey) tries to split through four Rangers. You know you're in hard shape when Stajan is the most exciting player on the ice.

-Hockey Night in Canada...in Punjabi...?

-This would be a different game if we had a goalie like Lundqvist making the saves he's had. This would be the Rangers 7th win in a row. Unreal.

-Del Zotto's visor is so small. He looks like that guy from Star Trek. It's like 1/20 the size of Dany Heatley's.

-Leafs fans get on their case as the Rangers have been in their zone since the cold war.

-Is anyone seeing this animal slow clap commercial? EASILY the best thing I've seen all night.

-Del Zotto's parents don't seem to care much about this game. They look like Matt Stajan's parents.

-I can't do this anymore. I'm going to let the last two minutes speak for themselves. All the best.

L&L

BREAKING NEWS: Vesa Toskala Suicide Attempt

Vesa Toskala (32), a Finland native, attempted to throw himself in front of a bus in the GTA late this evening.

The attempt failed when the bus went through his legs. Toskala escaped unharmed.

Simple Friday Thought

There are two types of hockey fans.

1. Fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
2. People who hate the Leafs and support another team on the side.

Pathetic.

Maple Leafian Rhapsody

BURKE

Is this the real life?

Or just MLSE?

TOSKALA

I'm in a slump,

there's no way you won't score on me.

GUSTAVSSON

Ron open your eyes,

I'm the number one guy, you seeee?

WILSON

I'm just the coach

I don't know what to do with our D

BEACHEMIN

Because I'm awful pinch, easy goal

Sometimes I'm good, sometimes no

TLUSTY

Any time my dick shows,

doesn't really matter to me,

to me...

ROSEHILL

Burkie, just killed a Hab.

Put my fists into his head,

He looks like he might be dead.

MOEN

Burkie, life had just begun...

I should never went and signed with Montreal.

MAPLE LEAFS

Burkie, ooh,

Didn't mean to make you cry,

If we don't beat the Sens this time tomorrow,

carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters.

BURKE

Too late, your time has come.

WILSON

You'll be riding on the pine.

BURKE

Or be gone at the deadline.

WILSON

Goodbye, everybody, you've got to go.

BURKE

You can watch the game with me up in the booth.

LEAFS FANS

Burkie, ooooh.

We don't wanna die,

without seeing the Stanley Cup at all.

WILSON

I see a little silhouetto of a man,

Grabovski! Grabovski!

I wish you would keep your head up.

ORR

Now it's time for fighting,

who's ready to take on me?

BURKE

Colton Orro, Colton Orro!

Colton Orr with the KO!

BLAKE

I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me.

BURKE

Blake, you're not poor, no,

you're making 4.3!

Let's clear our cap from this monstrosity.

WHITE

Easy come, easy go.

Watch my moustache grow.

SCHENN

Lombardi, no!

Let my brother go! (Let Brayden go!)

KOMISAREK

Come on ref, no!

I'm in the box alone (he's alone!)

KADRI

Oh Burkie no!

Got sent back to the O (To the O!)

KESSEL

Chiarelli no!

Why won't you let me go?

Why won't you let me go?

Why won't you let me go?

BURKE

Phil-KESSEL's here!

And he's coming back to score forty...

Forty...

Forty!

*Luke Schenn guitar solo*

KESSEL

Don't you think you can stop me when I'm on the fly!

KOMISAREK

If you touch Kaberle,

then you're gonna die!

Whoaaaa baby.

WHITE

Garnet Exelby's crazy.

LEAFS FANS

Just gotta get it right, just gotta get it right this year!

*Matt Stajan piano riff*

LEAFS NATION

Nothing really matters, nothing else this year.

The playoffs are what matters, the playoffs are what matters...

To me.

TLUSTY

Any time my dick....shows....

FADE OUT.

Curb your Enthusiam (And your Anger)

Alright, so we've got two games under our belt and we've yet to record a victory. We've also allowed ten goals total in those games. And we lost to the Canadiens, and my least favorite team in the NHL, the Capitals. And we didn't look all that mean against the Caps, to boot. So, right now we're on pace to record 41 points, make the 2008 Islanders look like the 1981 Islanders, and hand the Bruins Taylor Hall on a platter.

Haaaaaaaang on. There's still 80 games left, and that's more than enough to make the playoffs - which, I still predict we will, by the way. I'm making a firm effort to be less fickle this season.

The Leafs/Canadiens game was a fun watch. I watched with a split of Leafs and Habs fans and I got so drunk I had to go watch the highlights the next morning because the 3rd/OT were pretty hazy. Toskala didn't have an awful game but didn't do anything that could potentially win us the game (like Carey Price did). We need more from our goalies if we're going to get into the playoffs. We massively outshot the Canadiens and my main man Matty Stajan popped in two goals. Nice to see Orr and Rosehill work some magic, too, as I love people taking on Laraque and Orr did quite well. Francois Beachemin, after being considered our defensive rock and future captain had an absolute HOWLER of a game and he can't play that badly like...ever again. Ever. Overall, tough loss but we look a point of of it so life goes on.

Against the Caps, we needed Toskala to bounce back and set the tone that the Caps couldn't be sniping on him from all areas. Toskala figured it was better to let three in during the first period so we could toss Gustavsson to the most offensively gifted team in the NHL and he hopefully looked bad enough to give him another start over the Monster later in the week. Stalberg looked a lot more ordinary in this game (he is, after all, human...a human rookie, no less). Jamal Mayers was strong on the forecheck (I cannot believe I just gave Mayers credit for something) and if we can take one positive from this game, it's the 3rd. We settled down a bit and kept pushing in a game that was already gone, basically. The conditioning of the Leafs really shows as the 3rd period is usually reserved for defensive collapses. Minor note from that game: was anyone as surprised as I was with Orr/Primeau/Mayers getting as much ice time as they did?

So, those two games are done. Two. We've still got 97.84% of the season left. I think that's more than enough time to turn things around. What needs to be turned around, specifically? Well, it's fairly obvious. The usual suspects: goaltending, defence, and penalty killing. In that order.

GOALTENDING
Tick-tock, Toskala. Toskala has showed over and over that he really seems to be an average goaltender. He's healthy, he's got a back-up to push him, he's got a funny finnish accent, so what's the problem? It's seeming more and more that Vesa himself is the issue. Again, we're only two games in, but Gustavsson came in cold and still had a slightly better game than Vesa. However, It's clear that he's still a 24 year old goalie with a lot of promise as opposed to the Swedish Jesus that we've made him out to be - point being, we still need to have a good game in front of him to win some hockey games.

If we're sticking with the "no sense of entitlement", Gustavsson should get the nod next game as Toskala just hasn't been good enough. I think it's noteworthy that we have Joey McDonald with the Marlies who has proven on an awful Islanders team he can be a decent goaltender with a good save percentage. Keep him in the back of your mind and good thing we didn't lose him on waivers.

DEFENCE

Okay, we've been bad defensively the last couple games. Unbelievably so. And with all our new defencemen it was expected that they'd solve this issue. However, there's a couple of things we need to keep in mind.

#1: Not one member of our defence is playing with the same partner he played with last year. It takes time to gel and adjust.
#2: These new blueliners need to adapt to Ron Wilson's style. Actually, some of the old blueliners still need to adapt to Ron Wilson's style.
#3: Luke Schenn is an aggresive, intelligent, physical player but he's also still 20 years old.
#4: I still can't believe I gave Jamal Mayers some positive feedback.

To dish out some praise, I'm really happy with Mike Komisarek. Yeah, he's taken up some real estate in the penalty box but the majority of those were in an emotional game against his old team and the penalty against Washington was debatable. He's played hard, physically, and has shown a lot of leadership. He's got my vote for captain. I've also got to point out how much he's changed Tomas Kaberle's game. Kaberle looks patient, poised, and is back to playing cool, collected, and smart hockey. I forgot how much of an asset Kaberle is to our team. Ian White has played good hockey as well and I think it's well known now that he's the #5 D.

Beachemin has been GOD AWFUL. What is going on with him? He was above and beyond our best pointman in the pre-season but he just looks unbelievably rattled and it looks like it's rubbing off on Schenn. Yikes.

PENALTY KILL

One of the biggest things when Mike Komisarek takes a penalty is that we miss him killing it. The forwards have done alright (especially in the WSH game) but again, the blueliners have looked real bad. This needs to be adjusted. Something does.

Is anyone else a bit surprised by the lack of hard-nosed play from the Leafs? I was dying for someone to knock the face off of somebody in the first period of the caps game but it just didn't happen. Sigh.

Anyway, on a closing note, how good has that Mitchell/Wallin/Stempniak line been? Surprising stuff.

Hold on tight boys, it's going to be a rocky ride.

L&L

Your 2009 Leafs: Plus/Minus (Part II)

So, Captain Mats called it a career today. I'm not going to write a column on this but I can't just not mention it. Glad to see he retired quickly so we can just appreciate him for what he was instead of wondering what he's doing all year. Apparently this decision was made easier by an offer to tour Sweden in a public speaking circuit about the importance of quick decisions. Anyway.

The other day we went over the Leafs forwards and we're going to pick off right where we ended and review the blueline and goaltending. Part of me is surprised we've still got ten NHLish defencemen and I can't help but think someone is getting dealt fairly shortly. The most likely candidate is Ian White as he is low cost, coming off the books at the end of the year, and to be honest probably has the most value of any of the Leafs blueliners (minus the top four). Anyway, for now, we're all still here so let's get right down to it.

TOMAS KABERLE
+ Strong puck moving skills and the best first pass on the team
+ One of the NHL's finest PP quarterbacks
+ Has the same giant eyebrows as Peter Gallagher
+ Potential to have a break out season with some added toughness around him and without Cam Janssen trying to make him into the next Steve Moore
- Isn't Jeff Carter and a 1st Rounder

MIKE KOMISAREK
+ Gives Tomas Kaberle room to move forward with his stay-at-home style
+ Will piss off Montreal fans for years to come
+ Is a massive, physical, shot blocking defenceman
- Still smells like poutine and cigarettes

LUKE SCHENN
+ Can follow up on a strong rookie season with a strong defense corps around him both to learn from and to relieve him of excessive ice time
+ Can now buy beer in Canada
- Cannot buy beer in the US
+ Is Luke Schenn
- Sexually excites Pierre Maguire

FRANCOIS BEAUCHEMIN
+ Might be the sleeper pick for best free agent signing of the summer
+ Hammer slapshot brings me back to the Kaberle/McCabe days on the powerplay (minus McCabe's defensive woes and fetish for giveaways)
+ True complete player: offensive upside rounded out by solid defensive play
+ Great fighter (but understands he's too important to be taking a significant amount of five minute penalties)
- Sounds like he should play for Montreal
+ Doesn't play for Montreal

IAN WHITE
+ Moustache
+ Versatile, hard working, honest player
+ Great on the powerplay
- May get traded and make me cry
- May shave moustache and make me cry

GARNET EXELBY
+ The hardest hitting defenceman in the league (minus Dion Phaneuf)
+ No BS, "off the glass" puck clearing style
- Off-season diet composed of rocks and trees
- Pre-season diet composed of shinpads and Jason Allison's soul

JEFF FINGER
+ Actually has pretty strong numbers in points, hits, and blocked shots
+ Is a very solid bottom two defenceman
- Gets paid like a Norris Trophy winner

MIKE VAN RYN
+ Really strong offensive defenceman
- Will probably be the end of free health care in Canada

CARL GUNNARSSON
+ Strong preseason: he wouldn't still be on the roster otherwise
+ Reminds of me Gunnar Stahl of Mighty Ducks fame (Good game, Captain Duck)
- Won't make the team

VESA TOSKALA
+ Has the silliest interview voice since Dominik Hasek
+ Has a chance to prove himself now that he's finally healthy
+ Will hopefully get the same kind of competition with Gustavsson as he did with Nabokov
- Doesn't seem to enjoy stopping pucks
- Lacks size to the point that he looks like he should play on the Canadiens first line

JONAS GUSTAVSSON
+ Big goalie with great reflexes and rapid crease movement
+ Has the city of Toronto singing his name
- The Toronto fans may pressure him to the point that he curls up into a ball and either goes insane or gives up on hockey to focus on shooting Bootlegger ads.

JOEY MACDONALD
+ Strong season last year with an awful Islanders team
+ Strong preseason
+ Gives us the ability to trade Toskala if Gustavsson is as good as he's supposed to be
- Was put on Waivers to go to the Marlies and will probably be claimed as the Isle's 8th back-up

Also...LEAFS/HABS. TOMORROW.

L&L

Your 2009 Leafs: Plus/Minus (part I)

Okay, so it's been a while. Apologies to the readers, and thanks for your patience. However, I've started a new job and until you guys start clicking advertisements to the point I don't need to actually work then this may occur. But here's hoping we don't have to wait this long again. Fingers crossed. I guess in my absense the crucial thing that's happened is the Phil Kessel trade/signing. In the meantime, everyone and their mother has had their input on the trade, so I'm going to keep this brief:

BOSTON RECEIVES:
2010 1st Rounder
2010 2nd Rounder
2011 1st Rounder

TORONTO RECEIVES:
Phil Kessel
One of Phil Kessel's testicles

If you don't like this trade, you can suck it. Seriously. We have a true goal scorer on our roster (which we haven't had since...err...)who's 21 years old. 21. He's going to be our go to guy for goals for years to come and when he's going to be in his prime Bozak, Kadri, Stalberg, and co. will be heating up at the same time and we're going to be a powerhouse. In the meantime, Kessel is not a prospect. He scored 36 goals in the regular season, scored 11 pts in 11 playoff games, and yeah, he's 21. He's not only our best option for the future but he's also our best player right now.

I heard people say that it's like we traded Luke Schenn and Nazem Kadri for Kessel. Well, here's the issue with this: we still have Luke Schenn and Nazem Kadri - and Phil Kessel. All we've lost are three generic pimple-faced seventeen year olds being drafted 10th - 20th in the next couple drafts (which if you haven't heard aren't exactly deep draft years) which could be a Kadri/Schenn calibre player but is FAR more likely to be an Alex Steen/Luca Cereda player. Stop fretting and enjoy the deal. Things are looking up.

Speaking of how things are looking, let's have a look at the ups and downs of what we've got for the rest of the year up front.

JASON BLAKE
+ Loves to score goals
+ Loves Jason Blake
- Can't seem to find old goal scoring ability
- No one else likes Jason Blake

TYLER BOZAK
+ Unbelievable hockey IQ and playmaking skills
+ Slowly becoming my favorite Leaf
- Cut off sweet hockey hair
- Two way contract and lack of experience makes him likely to start as a Marlie (though I doubt for long)

MIKHAIL GRABOVSKI
+ Coming off a strong yet inconsistent offensive season
+ Will battle for #1 centre job with Matt Stajan
+ Equal passion for hockey and citrus fruit
- Spent more time on the ice during pre-season then the zamboni
+ Seemingly enjoyed this punishment (AKA: Not giving a fuckulence)

NIKLAS HAGMAN
+ Scored the greatest goal in the history of hockey
+ Can play in the top six and bottom six
- I can't claim a minus for Hagman as I fear PPP will refuse to plug my blog

PHIL KESSEL
+ 36 Goals
- 1 Testicle

NIKOLAI KULEMIN
+ Added 20 lbs to his frame in the off-season
+ Once drew comparisons to Evgeni Malkin
- Spent the pre-season pretending to be Lee Stempniak
- Is nowhere near as skilled as Malkin
+ Is nowhere near as ugly as Malkin

JASON ALLISON
- Isn't actually on the team: Allison has yet to complete his skate off the ice since being cut

JOHN MITCHELL
+ Is the best mediocre centre in the NHL
- Is the most lethal soccer player on the Toronto Maple Leafs

COLTON ORR
+ Kills people
- Projected to score 75 goals and may make Jason Blake jealous

ALEXEI PONIKAROVSKY
+ A 6'3 Ukrainian covered in blood adds a lot to the Leafs new tough image
- Ponikarovsky adds nothing to the Leafs new tough image

WAYNE PRIMEAU
+ Adds grit and experience
+ Helps our lackluster PK
- Re-enforces Brian Burke's eternal hard-on for using the crappier brother in a checking role
- Spends his personal time sitting in a museum on display

JAY ROSEHILL
+ Unbelievable physical presence
+ Completely fearless
+ Much like Wade Belak, can play both forward and defence
- Much like Wade Belak, completely inept at both positions

VIKTOR STALBERG
+ Finished 2nd in pre-season scoring
+ Unbelieably fast
+ Defensively responsible
+ Uses big frame to his advantage
+ Plays a physical game
- ...

MATT STAJAN
+ Could turn some heads with surprising play as the teams #1 centre
- Is more likely to break my heart and get traded before December

LEE STEMPNIAK
+ Appears to have decided he wants to play hockey this year
- Still the guy that was nearly outscored by Carlo Crippleacovo last year

JIRI TLUSTY
+ Potential to be an unbelievable player
- Now wanders aimlessly around the ice as if he's debating a career switch to the porn industry

RICKARD WALLIN
+ Helped bring Jonas Gustavsson to the Leafs
+ Wilson praises his positional play
- Wallin is always so perfectly in position that he cannot be captured by the human eye

JAMAL MAYERS
+ Has a cool nickame (Jammer)
+ Looks like a black Mr. Clean
- Jamal Mayers sucks

Stay tuned for Part II in the next couple days...

L&L